no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
