Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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