Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
