i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
