My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
