Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
