That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
