I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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