holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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