I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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