Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
