omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
