Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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