My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
