thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
