It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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