he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
