Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
