it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
