At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
