Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
