HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
