The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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