dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize