remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
