i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
