He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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