I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
