Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
