Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
