Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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