I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
