Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
