is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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