i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
