Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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