my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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