So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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