Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
