I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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