Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
