I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
