Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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