I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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