I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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