my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There's always time for handjobs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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