I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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