Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
