saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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