Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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