i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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