Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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