Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
