Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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