That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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