She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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