it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
