I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently you make a good broom.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
