For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm passing your future prison.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
