thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
