i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
