i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
