yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
