i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
