I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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