Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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