I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
