a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
