Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
