I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
