I swear she didn't look like that last week.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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