I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
