dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
