All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
