dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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