Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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