I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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