I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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